An Hour in a Room That Isn't Your House: The Benefits of In-Person Therapy
For the last several years I ran this practice without seeing clients. That was deliberate. I had a team to manage, a business to run, and my own kids at home. Stepping back from the clinical work was the right call at the time, and I don't regret it.
But somewhere along the way something started to shift. I missed the room. I missed the actual conversations. And I noticed my interest had narrowed in a way it hadn't before: I wanted to work with women, and particularly with mothers, and particularly with the ones holding a great deal together while quietly running low.
So as of September 1, I'm back! A new office in Crystal Lake, my own caseload, and a schedule that's mine again.
Coming back has reminded me of a few things. One is how much physically going somewhere matters. Not because video is lesser, I've done this work by video for years and I'll keep doing it, but because leaving does something on its own that has very little to do with the therapy itself.
If you've been doing sessions from your kitchen table and wondering why it feels harder than you expected, this might be why.
When coming in helps:
When home is too full of your own life. The laundry is there. The dishes are there. The thing you meant to email someone about is there. Even behind a closed door, some part of your attention is still assigned, and you're still the person who knows where everything is and what needs doing next. It's hard to examine a pattern while you're standing inside it.
When you need the drive. The twenty minutes on the way here isn't dead time. It's when you work out what you actually want to talk about, which is often not the thing you'd planned. The drive home does the opposite job, giving you a buffer between a hard conversation and making dinner. Women who come in often tell me the round trip is the only hour of the week that belongs to them. The session is fifty minutes of it.
When you need a room that has no opinion about you. Nothing in the office needs cleaning. You didn't choose the cushions. Nobody in it needs anything from you. And when the hour is up, you leave the conversation there rather than carrying it into the space where you also sleep, parent, and answer emails.
When you need it on the calendar. One fixed hour in one fixed place can be steadying all by itself. It has a time and an address, and it's considerably harder to quietly let go of than a link sitting in your inbox. I've had clients tell me the appointment was the first thing in years that felt genuinely non-negotiable.
When coming in can get in the way:
I'd be doing you a disservice if I only argued one side. In person is only the better option if it actually happens, and for plenty of women it doesn't.
When the drive is the thing that would make you cancel. I've watched women book in-person therapy with real intention and then cancel three weeks in a row, because a kid got sick, or a meeting ran over, or the thought of getting back in the car after that particular day was simply beyond them.
When travel is unpredictable for health reasons. If you're managing a chronic illness, chronic pain, or fatigue, leaving the house isn't a neutral act, and you already know that.
When childcare costs more than the session gives back. Arranging childcare so you can go and talk about how depleted you are by childcare is a particular kind of absurd.
When your free hour is short and specific. A lunch break. A naptime. The forty minutes after bedtime before you fall asleep on the couch. Those windows don't accommodate a round trip.
If any of that is you, video isn't a compromise. It's the version that actually happens, and the version that happens is the one that works. I've written more about that here.
If you think coming in would help, here's are some tips to actually make it happen:
Most of the women I work with don't struggle to see the value in this. They struggle to give themselves permission to take it.
Name the real cost. It isn't fifty minutes. Counting the drive and whatever arranging it took to get out of the door, it's closer to two hours. Pretending otherwise is how it quietly becomes the first thing to go. Look at the actual cost, decide once whether it's worth it, and then stop relitigating it every week.
Put it somewhere fixed. Same day, same time, every week. Not "I'll book when I see how the week looks," because the week never looks good. A recurring appointment stops being a decision you have to make and starts being furniture.
You don't owe anyone the details. "I have an appointment Tuesday at two" is a complete sentence. You're allowed to leave the house for something without explaining what it's for or making a case for why now.
Expect the guilt, and don't wait for it to pass. It probably won't, at least not at first. Most of the women I see feel some version of it in the first month and go anyway. Guilt isn't a signal that you're doing something wrong. Usually it's a signal that you're doing something unfamiliar.
If your kids are old enough to notice, they're old enough to learn from it. You can tell them you're going to talk to someone about how you're doing. That isn't a burden on them. For a lot of kids it's the first time they've watched someone in their family treat their own needs as real.
Finding My New Office
The office is at 8600 US Highway 14, Suite 2204. It's an easy drive from Cary, Algonquin, Lake in the Hills, Barrington, McHenry, and the surrounding McHenry County area, and most people are twenty minutes or less from the door.
It's a quiet space with plenty of natural light and your choice of the couch or a chair. Parking is free, right out front.
For anyone who knew the Lincoln Park office: If you were a client when we still had a location in Chicago, I know Crystal Lake is a long way from where we used to meet. For most of you, video is going to stay the practical option, and that's genuinely fine. Nothing about the work changes. A lot of you stayed with me through all of this, which I don't take lightly. But if you're ever out this way, or the drive turns out to be more doable than it sounds, the door is open.
Frequently Asked Questions
Where is your new office in Crystal Lake?
8600 US Highway 14, Suite 2204, Crystal Lake, IL 60012. It's an easy drive from Cary, Algonquin, Lake in the Hills, Barrington, McHenry, and the surrounding McHenry County area, with free parking out front. It's a quiet space with plenty of natural light and your choice of the couch or a chair. Parking is free, right out front.
How far is Crystal Lake from Chicago?
My office is roughly an hour from the city depending on traffic and where you're starting. While most Chicago clients find video easier, some make the drive when their schedule allows. It’s completely up to you!
Do I have to come in every week, or can I mix in person and video?
You can mix! Plenty of my clients come in when they can and switch to video the weeks they can't. Some do winter online and summer in person. The format flexes around your life rather than the other way around.
Is in-person therapy more effective than online?
Not generally, no. The research fairly consistently finds comparable outcomes for the things I work with. What coming in offers isn't better therapy, it's a different set of conditions around it: the transition, the separation from home, the ritual of going somewhere. For some women that changes how much they get from the same fifty minutes.
Therapy for Women in Crystal Lake, IL
There isn't a right answer here. Some women do their best work in a room they had to drive to. Others do it parked in their own driveway on a Tuesday lunch break, and that's just as real. What matters more than the format is whether you go at all, and whether the person on the other side of it is someone you can be honest with.
So if something about doing this from your kitchen table has been putting you off, that's worth paying attention to. And if the drive is the thing standing between you and starting at all, that's worth paying attention to as well.
Either way, a free 15-minute call is the easiest place to start. We can talk through what's going on, what your week actually looks like, and which format would give you the best shot at this. And if I'm not the right fit for you, I'll tell you, and I'll help you find someone who is.
About the Author
Amanda Berry is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and the founder of HerSpace Therapy (formerly Revive Relationship Therapy). She has been practicing for over 20 years and works with women navigating anxiety, burnout, motherhood, life transitions, and the patterns that keep repeating. She started HerSpace after years of sitting with women who looked like they had everything together and had quietly learned to put themselves last. She sees clients in person in Crystal Lake, Illinois, and online throughout the state. More about HerSpace →
